November 25, 2011

Harry Potter (film series) (2001-2011)

Daniel Radcliffe is a poor orphan who goes to magical magic school that you can only get to from an imaginary train station on the London subway. There he meets jailbait Emma Watson but stupidly doesn't do her 'cause he's all upset about his dead parents and instead she shacks up with his best friend. In retribution Harry bones his best friend's little sister. There's also an old good magician that runs the school and evil Ralph Finnes with a missing nose that's the evil magician that killed Harry's parents. For basically movies 2-7 harry runs around looking for "magic trinkets" with Latin sounding names, doing magic stuff like riding brooms and learning potions and spells (also with Latin sounding names) and interacting with an ensemble cast of every known british actor ever (John Hurt, Alan Rickman, Helena 'crazy bitch' Bonham Carter, Kenneth Branagh, Maggie Smith, Emma Thompson, Gary Oldman, Bill Nighy, John Cleese). at the end he finds out that 'a bit of evil' flew off Finnes when he killed Harry's parents and that evil is now in Harry, so in order to defeat him he needs to die himself. so he does, then comes back from the dead to avenge his parents (and himself?) and to find that Finnes destroyed the school and killed a bunch of the cast. Harry defeats him and everyone's happy. The end.